


take the black (thing)

by kattyshack



Series: snowflakes [14]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (a bit anyway), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, Matchmaking, Panty Kink, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 12:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17304287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kattyshack/pseuds/kattyshack
Summary: prompt fill (@amymel86): texting fic:I need your advice...Nevermind, I already did the stupid thing.





	take the black (thing)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amymel86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amymel86/gifts).



> a/n: there’s a lot of hullaballoo around inserting proper emoticons on ao3, so... just go with this. it’s fine you’ll get it, anyway byeeeeee

**JON** : I need your advice

**THEON** : _typing..._

**JON** : Nevermind  
I already did the stupid thing

**THEON** : yo that was quick

**THEON** : tell me everything

**JON** : I... don’t want to

**THEON** : ?????  
BITCH you can’t leave me hanging like this!!  
if you won’t accept my words of wisdom the least you can do is share the gory details of how you didn’t follow them anyway

**JON** : The only person I need to share this with is a priest, I think  
Like during confession

**THEON** : does sansa know you’re this much of a TEASE? is that why she won’t go out with you?  
or is that just bc you won’t fuckin nut up and ask her already?

**JON** : .........how did you know this was about Sansa? Are you a witch?

**THEON** : boy everything you do has something to do with sansa. you are a man of very little substance

**JON** : Wow. Dick.

**THEON** : fine. you’re a man with a weirdly attractive wardrobe and one hyperfixation

**JON** : Thanks.  
Now what’s the hyperfixation?

**THEON** : ..........

**JON** : Right. Stupid question. It’s Sansa.

**THEON** : :smoking:

**JON** : I don’t know what that means

**THEON** : being right is so sexually satisfying to me that i need a ciggy whenever it happens

**JON** : Hm. Gross. Anyway...

**JON** : So  
Alright.  
Fine.  
It’s...  
Okay.  
So I was doing a load of wash and when I went to dump it in the dryer, there was... things.......... in there...

**THEON** : and by ‘things’ do you mean a certain dream girl’s delicates?  
mate i told you you’d see her underwear when you offered her your spare room  
like.  
girls have so much underwear. it was inevitable

**JON** : Okay. I mean yeah. You were right.  
And you can have your ciggy as soon as you tell me what to do now.

**THEON** : ......do you not know how laundry works?

**JON** : No, I do. But I just.  
You know.  
There were... things, and I had to sort through them to clear out the dryer. And I might’ve... well... I just figured, you know, there really was SO MUCH, I thought she wouldn’t possibly notice if one went missing, and there was this... black thing... that I think must’ve short-circuited my brain or something?? Because I dropped off most of her stuff in her room, but, uh...

**THEON** : MOST of her stuff??  
oh god you kept the black thing, didn’t you?

**JON** : _typing..._

**THEON** : DIDN’T YOU???????

**JON** : I DID

**JON** : NOW TELL ME WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT

**THEON** : mate i think you already know what you wanna do with it

**JON** : TOO FAR, THEON

**THEON** : you spelled ‘right’ wrong

**JON** : This is so unhelpful

**THEON** : to be fair you didn’t really ask for my help  
i mean, you started to  
but then you panty-raided sansa’s laundry when it took me three seconds to reply

**THEON** : which brings me to another point, which is: how dumb are you?  
you wanted a moral compass to deter you from stealing a girl’s ““black thing”” and you asked for MY advice??

**JON** : First of all, not ‘a girl’s’ black thing.  
SANSA’S black thing.  
And I couldn’t very well ask for Robb’s or Arya’s help, could I??

**THEON** : you did literally the same thing i would’ve in that situation

**JON** : You keep away from Sansa’s underwear

**THEON** : maybe cc that message to yourself  
fuckin perv

**JON** : Okay let’s be practical here

**THEON** : bitch you can try

**JON** : First of all, stop calling me ‘bitch’  
Second of all, it’s just ONE THING. That’s not so bad. Just one pair of her... things.

**THEON** : you legit stole her panties and you can’t even call them what they are??  
coward

**THEON** : also, DEVIANT

**JON** : It’s not that bad!! Just one thing. One black thing.  
I have loads of black things.  
I mean  
Not black THINGS, you know, but like...

**THEON** : you don’t wear silk/satin/lace/otherwise enticing black ““things”” yeah mate i got it

**JON** : I’m just saying. You think *I’d* notice if, like, one of my shirts went missing?  
No. I wouldn’t.  
Because black is a very innocuous sort of color

**THEON** : so innocuous, in fact, it made you regress into a horny adolescent which prompted you to nick sansa’s panties from the dryer

**THEON** : not that i’m judging, really  
personally i’ve always been a horny adolescent  
i just thought you were better than that

**JON** : Well evidently I’m not

**JON** : But still. Like I said, it’s just one thing. From a myriad of others.  
She’s not going to notice one’s missing  
It’s fine

**THEON** : you’re just saying that because you want to keep the black thing

**JON** : _typing..._

**JON** : That is really neither here nor there, Theon

**THEON** : right  
well  
enjoy your shameful wank over your hyperfixation’s ““black thing”” then

**JON** : _typing..._

**JON** : I’m not even going to dignify that with a response

**THEON** : uh-huh

**THEON** ::smoking:

 

* * *

 

**SANSA** : Jon.

**JON** : _typing..._

**JON** : Sansa.

**SANSA** : Did you do a load of wash yesterday?

**JON** : I did.  
I put your things on your bed  
Blindfolded, by the way. I didn’t see anything.  
In fact I always do the wash blindfolded. You know, just in case.  
I am a gentleman

**SANSA** : Well that’s a shame, really, because it seems I’m missing something and I was hoping you might have seen it?

**JON** : _typing..._

**JON** : Well, I mean, I don’t  
I don’t know what to say, unfortunately  
Because of the blindfold and all

**SANSA** : Hm. A dreadful, dreadful shame, that.

**JON** : I mean  
Yeah  
It really is

**SANSA** : Of course, I didn’t want you to see anything.  
At least, not by accident.  
It’s just that, that something I’m missing, I’d really wanted to show it to you.

**JON** : I —  
Wait.  
What

**SANSA** : Right, I’m not sure it fits. It nearly does, I think, but then it might be just a touch too small.  
I was hoping I could get your opinion on that.

**JON** : _typing..._

**JON** : I think I feel a fever coming on  
I’m going to skive off work early  
I’ll be home in ten minutes

**SANSA** : And I’ll be here, waiting for you in...?

**JON** : That black thing that’s  
ah fuck  
um  
it’s under my pillow

**SANSA** : Mmhm. That.  
That is, if you’re feeling up to it. What with your oncoming fever and all.

**JON** : You know, halfway down the lift and I’m not feeling so bad, after all.  
I mean  
I’ve already left the office, no sense in going back, but  
yeah, reckon I’m up to... you

**SANSA** : Guess we’ll see about that.  
;)

**JON** : Oh god

**SANSA** : You’ve got a ten-minute walk to collect yourself.

**JON** : A WALK?  
Har har har  
Au contraire, darling girl  
No  
I’m taking a taxi  
I’ll be home in two minutes

**SANSA** : Jon! That’s financially irresponsible.

**JON** : Sansa! I don’t care.  
Put on the black thing and just  
Stay there  
Right there  
On my bed

**SANSA** : Bossy, aren’t you?

**JON** : Guess we’ll see about that.  
;)

**SANSA** : Ooh, clever boy.

**JON** : :stuck_out_tongue:

 

* * *

 

**JON** : I can’t believe you told Sansa I took her black thing.

**THEON** : yeah well she was positively GLOWING at brunch earlier  
singing in the car when she drove us there and back, too  
so you’re welcome  
ungrateful swot

**JON** : Well it’s better than ‘bitch,’ I s’pose.

**THEON** : whatever  
it’s just fancy bitch

**JON** : Honestly I don’t know that I could even expend the energy to care what you call me right now.

**THEON** : right, fucking a gal’s brains out all weekend can have that effect  
and again i say  
YOU’RE WELCOME

**JON** : Sorry, I’d say thanks but Sansa’s just got home and I only managed to see about a quarter of her underwear this weekend so  
Gotta go

**THEON** : that took way longer to type than a simple ‘thanks bro’ i’m sure

**JON** : **The Number You Have Reached Has Been Disconnected**  
**For The Foreseeable Future**  
**Or Until Jon’s Sick Days Run Out**  
**But He Should Have Seen All of Sansa’s Underwear By Then So I Suppose That’s Fine**

**THEON** : ‘thanks bro’ takes all of two seconds

**JON** : Busy

**THEON** : doing WHAT

**JON** : .........

**THEON** : right. stupid question.  
sansa  
it’s sansa

**JON** : Right-o.

**THEON** : and yet you’re still texting me  
what kinda fuckin exhibitionism —

**JON** : She was picking out music for what I can only assume is going to be a striptease

**THEON** : and it’s not even your birthday  
marry her, snow

**JON** : On it.  
Now I REALLY gotta go  
Oh god  
yeah, goodbye forever

**THEON** : *~ hungry eeeeeeeyes  
i feel the magic between you and iiiiiiiii ~*

**THEON** : was that the song  
i bet that was the song  
she made me listen to the dirty dancing soundtrack on the way back  
(and by ‘made me’ i mean okay so i wanted to listen to it too but)  
i KNOW that was the song

**THEON** : .....i know you’re busy but you’d better confirm when you’re done

**THEON** : *~ i need you to seeeeee  
this love was MEANT! TO! BE! ~*


End file.
